Alabama vs. the NFL: Hypothetical Spreads Against Every NFL Team

Editor’s note: This article was originally published back in November, before Alabama made the National Championship Game vs. Clemson.

Let’s make a few things clear at the top: 1) There’s no chance the University of Alabama will ever play a football game against an NFL team. And 2) There’s even less of a chance Alabama would ever beat an NFL team.

But it’s still damn fun to think about, which is why when Westgate bookmaker Jeff Sherman tweeted a hypothetical Alabama-Bills spread last week, the sports world lost its collective mind.

While Bama vs. the Bills is fun — yay, alliteration! — Bama vs. the NFL is even better.

Sherman was kind enough to indulge our request and provide hypothetical spreads for Alabama versus all 32 NFL teams.

One stipulation from Sherman: The spreads below “aren’t pure power-rating differences between NFL teams. We felt there would be some let-up at some point in the second half.”

These are also based on if they played on a neutral field and for games played with NFL rules.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s run through Sherman’s 32 extremely hypothetical and not-at-all-controversial spreads, along with a fake prop from yours truly.

Alabama vs. Buffalo Bills

• Spread: Bills -28.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 4.5 times Sean McDermott gets caught day dreaming about having Tua Tagovailoa as his QB.

Alabama vs. Arizona Cardinals

• Spread: Cardinals -30.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 7.5 times the announcer mentions how much Nick Saban admires Larry Fitzgerald.

Alabama vs. Oakland Raiders

• Spread: Raiders -31.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 1.5 times Jon Gruden tries to trade AJ McCarron back to Bama before realizing McCarron no longer has college eligibility.

Alabama vs. New York Jets

• Spread: Jets -34.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 10.5 jokes about how “Josh McCown is old enough to be these kids’ dad.”

Alabama vs. Cleveland Browns

• Spread: Browns -35.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 2.5 times Hue Jackson calls Saban to offer up his services for the week.
• Bonus fake prop: Over/under 0.5 times Saban takes Hue’s call.

Alabama vs. New York Giants

• Spread: Giants -35.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 131.5 receiving yards for Odell Beckham Jr., who had 131 in three regular-season career college games vs. Bama.

Alabama vs. San Francisco 49ers

• Spread: 49ers -35.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 8.5 “Is Tua Tagovailoa better than Nick Mullens?” debates on “First Take.”

Alabama vs. Miami Dolphins

• Spread: Dolphins -36.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 1,493.5 stories written about the Nick Saban Revenge Game angle.

Alabama vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

• Spread: Buccaneers -37.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 3.5 highlights shown from Mike Evans’ torching of Alabama back in 2013.

Alabama vs. Indianapolis Colts

• Spread: Colts -39.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 2.5 references to Trent Richardson on the broadcast.

Alabama vs. Denver Broncos

• Spread: Broncos -39.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 1.5 times John Elway offers Saban the Broncos’ head coaching job before the game.

Alabama vs. Detroit Lions

• Spread: Lions -39.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 498.5 passing yards for Matthew Stafford, who had 498 in two college games vs. Alabama.

Alabama vs. Washington Redskins

• Spread: Redskins -40.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 39.5 tackles for the six former Bama defenders on Washington’s roster.

Alabama vs. Tennessee Titans

• Spread: Titans -40.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 12.5 times Derrick Henry thinks to himself, “I just wanna go back to Bama.”

Alabama vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

• Spread: Jaguars -40.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 10.5 times T.J. Yeldon thinks to himself, “I just wanna go back to Bama.”

Alabama vs. Dallas Cowboys

• Spread: Cowboys -41.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 17.5 times Amari Cooper thinks to himself, “I just wanna go back to Bama.”

Alabama vs. Chicago Bears

• Spread: Bears -41.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 7.5 times Khalil Mack puts the fear of God in Tua.

Alabama vs. Atlanta Falcons

• Spread: Falcons -41.5
• Fake prop: Over/under $14,999 for the side bet between Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley on who will have more yards vs. their alma mater.

Alabama vs. Seattle Seahawks

• Spread: Seahawks -41.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 31.5 “Did you know Pete Carroll is older than Nick Saban?!” wisecracks during the week.

Alabama vs. Cincinnati Bengals

• Spread: Bengals -42.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 3.5 creative phrases used to make clear Alabama has a massive coaching advantage without slandering Marvin Lewis.

Alabama vs. Houston Texans

• Spread: Texans -42.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 5.5 highlights shown of Deshaun Watson’s 2017 national championship win over Alabama.

Alabama vs. Green Bay Packers

• Spread: Packers -43.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 4.5 holy s*** throws from Aaron Rodgers that make Saban think “we’re not playin’ Nick Fitzgerald anymore.”

Alabama vs. Baltimore Ravens

• Spread: Ravens -44.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 1.5 turnovers forced by the five former Bama defenders on Baltimore’s roster.

Alabama vs. Carolina Panthers

• Spread: Panthers -44.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 149.5 fights started in Alabama bars over Cam Newton’s TD celebrations.

Alabama vs. Philadelphia Eagles

• Spread: Eagles -44.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 1.5 times a third-down scramble by Carson Wentz causes Saban to throw his headset.

Alabama vs. Minnesota Vikings

• Spread: Vikings -44.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 44.5 minutes Saban spends cursing Vikings GM Rick Spielman for not having a single Alabama player on the roster.

Alabama vs. Los Angeles Chargers

• Spread: Chargers -45.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 2.5 holy s*** throws from Philip Rivers that make Saban think “we’re not playin’ Joe Burrow anymore.”

Alabama vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

• Spread: Steelers -47.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 4.5 times Antonio Brown reminds everyone that Saban didn’t bother to recruit him to Alabama during high school.

Alabama vs. Los Angeles Rams 

• Spread: Rams -49.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 2.0 rushing touchdowns for Todd Gurley, who had exactly two vs. Alabama in college.

Alabama vs. Kansas City Chiefs 

• Spread: Chiefs -49.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 3.5 holy s*** throws from Patrick Mahomes that make Saban think “we’re not playin’ Ty Storey anymore.”

Alabama vs. New Orleans Saints 

• Spread: Saints -49.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 14.5 oral histories written about the Dolphins’ decision to fail Drew Brees’ physical during Saban’s stint in Miami.

Alabama vs. New England Patriots 

• Spread: Patriots -49.5
• Fake prop: Over/under 19.5 seconds for the postgame embrace between Saban and Bill Belichick.

Alabama vs. the NFL: Hypothetical Spreads Against Every NFL Team