Joffe’s ‘Dead To Me,’ Week 1: App State Leads The Way


Sep 1, 2018; University Park, PA, USA; Appalachian State Mountaineers running back Jalin Moore (25) reaches for the loose ball during the second quarter against the Penn State Nittany Lions at Beaver Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Matthew O’Haren-USA TODAY Sports

  • Zero teams with a +800 moneyline or higher won this weekend. Lauren bet on all of those huge underdogs straight-up.
  • Appalachian State missed out on its chance to beat Penn State, and cash Lauren's massive underdog ticket.

Chalk, Chalk, Chalk …

That was the theme of college football opening weekend. Enough damn chalk to supply the one teacher in high school who refuses to use a dry-erase board.

The high volume of chalk was beyond unfortunate for me and my huge dog bets. None of them hit, but one was canceled. (Thank you, Nebraska weather!)

Am I surprised? Not at all. Am I sad? Of course I am. I wanted to be the lone genius and make all my TAN bosses think I was the second coming … but things went as planned, and thus, I went 0-39-1 (yes, I’m counting the cancellation as a push).

But it wasn’t just enormous-mega-big dogs that didn’t cash, it was big dogs in general: None of the teams with a moneyline of +800 or higher won.

Lower that to +200 and only nine cashed. Favorites went 49-15 on moneyline bets this weekend, with one of those 15 being my beloved Arizona Wildcats. Good times. Let’s move on.

Despite my 0% return, don’t think for one second I’m not doing the exact same thing this weekend. Cause I am.

I’ll probably go winless again, but I just can’t bear the thought of missing out on cashing a ginormous underdog. I’m Trusting The Process here.

As for the close calls this weekend, you probably know the games that gave me two-hours-in-a-sauna levels of sweat.

Thankfully for the OSU-OSU game I bet Ohio State against the spread, so at least I had that.

Utah State and Appalachian State, on the other hand? Not so much.

Utah State nearly had it. I could taste the win and the +1375 moneyline, but, alas, no dice. The Spartans scored a TD and went for two late in the fourth, leaving time for the Aggies to tie the game. Sadly for them (and me), MSU intercepted the next pass, sealing their fate (and mine).

Then we have App State. And I won’t lie … I hear that name and I immediately (and always) think of this first:

It’s in the title, but let me reiterate here: App State is DEAD TO ME.


After trailing by two touchdowns in the fourth quarter, the Mountaineers came back with a vengeance and scored three TDs to take a seven-point lead with 1:47 left.

I was madly prepping my tweets because FINALLY I had a winner. All they had to do was stop Penn State from scoring again, but NOOOOOOOO, you couldn’t do it, App State, could ya?

Penn State drove down the field quickly to tie it, and actually left the Mountaineers time to come back and score.

Then, rather than trying to get four yards for a first down or throwing a Hail Mary, they decided to try a 56-yard field goal (shocker … it wasn’t close).

PSU scored a quick touchdown in OT, leaving it to App State to do its magic again, but App State got cute and threw the ball on first-and-10 instead of RUNNING THE DAMN BALL and … boom. Interception.

So close to being my heroes, but those are the breaks. You’re dead to me, App State. Congratulations.

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