Wob: The Encyclopedia of NBA Ejections

My dad warned me — I heard him, but I didn’t listen.

The year was 1994 and I was seven years old. The age you're still too young to be without adult supervision but just old enough to think you rule the world, don’t need to obey your parents anymore and nothing bad can happen to you.

"Don’t jump on the monkey bar chain," he said. The chain was attached to a wooden platform infested with hornets.

You already know what happened next: I jumped on that chain, sending shockwaves through the entire playground, and got assaulted by the nest within seconds. Unlike the NBA’s Hornets, it wasn’t just one hornet doing all the damage and everyone else standing around doing nothing; it was the whole damn army.

I learned a very valuable lesson that day: nobody is invincible. And while we’re on the topic of NBA analogies here, we’ve got a similar situation unfolding with the ‘invincible’ Golden State Warriors and the league’s officials.

The Warriors have been shaking the refs’ chains for years, and now it’s about to become unhinged. Players are demonstratively taunting the officials on the court …

And off.

There’s no way to prove it unless he confirms, but that may or may not be Draymond Green comparing that night’s official, "MK" (Marat Kogut), to the notorious "TD" (Tim Donaghy). The league fined Green $35,000 for what the league described as “making statements on social media” that “impugned the integrity of NBA officiating.”

But the refs aren’t backing down despite intense peer pressure and criticism from some of the league’s most notable players — including the president of the players' union!

As the war wages, the refs have turned to alternative deliveries of technical fouls assessed for dissent.

This is their newest weapon…

The Lowercase "t"

Players can scream all they want into the wind; they’re not going to get the volatile, emotional response they so desire. They are going to get this little "t," and what they choose to do with it is at their discretion.

Let's go over some more.

There, of course, is always old reliable…

The Full-Hand "T"

This is when you really want to make the point that you’re not signaling a timeout — it is very much a technical foul and it is on this man right here, officer. If you go for the authoritative single finger slam and miss, you may break your finger like Joey Crawford once did.

The “Get Out”

Did they adhere to your warning? How dare their presence remain in your midst. For their act of factionalism, eject them with two arms and be sure to annunciate your “GET OUT” so that any viewer can seamlessly lip-read your instruction.

The Clap Launch

Smoothest ejection in the game. The double-clap windup is like Ken Griffey Jr.’s swing of disqualification. So pure.

The Whack

When you really want to embarrass a player, announce “WHACK” to the world before signaling the ejection. WHACK. It's impossible to not laugh any time it plays before my eyes.

Why the hell did he say his action out loud?

Too good.

The Strike 3 Crow Hop

The ultimate bridge-burner. Get his ass out of here because you will never be on level terms with him again after this unfathomable disrespect.

This is just the beginning. Similar to baseball’s strike three call, the technical foul is a blank canvas for improvisation.

With the war between players and refs reaching Cuban Missile Crisis level tension, I called on the consumers of the NBA product to weigh in — how would you eject a player if you were a referee?

The Hesi

Cool, calm, collected.

King's Ransom

Imagine a ref doing this to LeBron.

D-Generation Tech

Are you ready?

The Carlton

Music required.

The Rubik's Cube

I can just imagine Jim Ross’ voice over this: “HERE IT COMES! HERE IT COMES[!”

The Bird

Someone please show this to Tony Brothers.

The 007

From this point forward, it is our mission to document and illustrate every different variation of technical foul assessment and ejection delivery. The situation with the refs, Warriors and Chris Paul is only going to get worse, which means increased tension, which also means more volatile body language from the officials.

If players are going to continue to shake the chain despite being warned, they're about to learn the hard way that this is the referees' domain. They can change your life forever, in an instant, if disturbed.

The game has truly changed; let this be the new testament of its resurrection.