Wob: 2019 NBA Season ‘Game of Thrones’ Character Remix
- Which "Game of Thrones" characters most align with the 30 NBA franchises?
- Rob Perez (aka @WorldWideWob) goes team-by-team to find the one true match.
New Orleans Pelicans (title odds: 2,000-1) – Randyll Tarly
Would rather get incinerated and let everything they built die than bend a knee to the king.
Houston Rockets (10-1) – Bran Stark
Consistently one step ahead, but when the pressure’s on — they always need someone else to carry them.
Miami Heat (1,000-1) – Cersei Lannister
What happens when the army you employ is overpaid, overrated, overexposed, and the bank comes for the principal + interest? You drop a duffle bag of money on their feet and tell them to send more soldiers. Gold wins wars, not swords. Just have to convince everyone you’re willing to play by the rules because if you can’t spot the sucker in the room, it’s you.
Indiana Pacers (300-1) – Podrick
Underrated. Best D in the league.
Detroit Pistons (300-1) – Hodor
Oversized big guys who get killed by the back door when they try and play defense.
Los Angeles Clippers (200-1) – Brienne of Tarth
A worthy adversary who can shock you with their offensive skill set, but every time they swear to defend someone they get dunked on.
Orlando Magic (500-1) – Oberyn Martell
All you had to do was make your free throws and the world would be a completely different place today.
Los Angeles Lakers (1,000-1) – Tommen Baratheon
Toronto Raptors (8-1) – Jon Snow
Don’t know why everyone is so excited they’re about to ride a dragon, they already did last season on that boat. After the Westerosen Conference finally united to take down their biggest enemy, there’s a new King of the North. But being the King of the North means nothing to them anymore — them and only them can save the the world from an army of dead warriors with the sole purpose of conquering the world and reigning a decade-long dynasty.
Minnesota Timberwolves (2,000-1) – Theon Greyjoy
A once-proud house that was transformed into Reek by their own teammate. Despite the war being over and their captor gone, they are still damaged goods. Sometimes they show glimpses of returning to the glory days, other times, they are jumping ship at the first moment of adversity leaving their siblings to die.
Oklahoma City Thunder (16-1) – Jamie Lannister
Napoleon Complex is known to get them into trouble occasionally. They’re occasionally the hero, occasionally the villain. They fight for the good, the bad, and everything in between. If you pledge undying loyalty they’ll pledge it right back. This would be the most feared fighter in the country if they still had their right-hand man.
Sacramento Kings (+1,000-1) – Tormund
Will always be haunted by what happened at Hardhome in 2001, but you can’t blame them for finally trying to do something about it.
Brooklyn Nets (500-1) – Lyanna Mormant
“We are not a large house, but we are a proud one. And every man from Atlantic Avenue fights with the strength of ten Manhattaners.”
Boston Celtics (14-1) – Arya Stark
Should have been dead 10 different times. Yet, here they are. Now they’re pissed, not having fun anymore, looking for revenge, surviving a toxic culture, and you just never know what face they’re going to wear.
Golden State Warriors (-250) – Drogon
Will show up to the battle whenever they damn well please, and when they do, they will either tear apart your entire body limb-by-limb or flame your ass into dust and pee in the ashes on their way back to the parking lot.
New York Knicks (OFF) – Tyrion Lannister
This better work or they going to die.
Philadelphia 76ers (18-1) – Night King
This is what happens when you try and use them as a weapon against your enemies, fail to kill them off when you had the chance, and donate rookies to their cause as compensation for years. They’re not coming anymore; they’re here.
San Antonio Spurs (100-1) – The Mountain
When everyone thinks you’re dead, you continuously come back to life as a zombie of destruction incapable of feeling human emotion.
Milwaukee Bucks (6-1) – Danerys Targaryen
Will take what is theirs with 3s and dunks. Gianarys.
Chicago Bulls (OFF) – Sansa Stark
If it wasn’t for all the banners in the rafters their forefathers put up, nobody would probably care.
Cleveland Cavaliers (OFF) – Qyburn
Stripped of all their titles, their scientific methods are shameless and considered unethical by some, but give them enough time and they will show you why you must always keep an eye on them.
Washington Wizards (3,000-1) – Jorah Mormont
Signed an inexplicable pledge, which of course ended up being the team’s Achilles’ heel. Eventually returns a shadow of their old self, but will be unequivocally mediocre for the next half decade. Give it up dude, she doesn’t love you. Just blow it up and start over, it’s best for everyone involved.
Atlanta Hawks (OFF) – Gendry
Has a secret that everyone is just figuring out, and if you don’t already know — you will soon.
Charlotte Hornets (2,000-1) – Bronn
For every battle they wins, they lose the next. They don’t really care, though; they just here to get paid.
Memphis Grizzlies (OFF) – High Sparrow
The checks and balances needed to keep order between the classes. They may not have been rich, but they had their faith — and that faith, at one point, had the power to make even the most feared characters in the seven kingdoms beg for mercy. But the problem was that it was armed with nothing but pitchforks and butter knives while their enemies had nuclear weapons.
Dallas Mavericks (OFF) – Varys
While everyone else is out there killing each other, they’ve been assembling a superteam in the darkness and it’s almost time to unleash it on the world.
Portland Trail Blazers (80-1) – Melisandre
Catches fire unlike anyone in the world, but when they give their necklace some rest, we see them for who they really are.
Utah Jazz (30-1) – Greyworm
The rest of the world plays The Game of Thrones and uses politics to get things done. They don’t care, they’re just here for a fight.
Denver Nuggets (30-1) – Nymeria
Nobody needs to be convinced how dangerous they are but getting them to show up when they’re needed most is nearly impossible.
Phoenix Suns (OFF) – Davos Seaworth
Every decision they make seems to be the wrong one but yet they somehow keep getting rewarded with new jobs and opportunities.