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Millman: 10 Things We’d Rather Do Than Bet on the Pro Bowl

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Don Juan Moore/Getty Images

Once upon a time we cared. Like we did about pet rocks (1970s), Cabbage Patch Kids (1980s) and over-sized flannel shirts (1990s). For decades the Pro Bowl was all those things rolled into one: Kitschy, trendy and a little bit comfortable, even if it looked really bad.

The best players actually played, they got flower leis, Hawaii was an exotic location where fans — like the players themselves — thought, “Wow, I’d like to go to the Pro Bowl one day.”

Now, well, the game takes place in Orlando. It’s just another exit off the tourism highway. Look kids, there’s Disney. And there’s Universal. And look, in that stadium over there are more adults dressed in silly-looking, padded costumes trying to please their fans.

But, it’s theoretically sports. Which means there will be betting. And while we at The Action Network will certainly treat it with all the seriousness it deserves — who has the edge? where’s the value? how should you stack a DFS lineup? –let’s get real: If the options are betting on the Pro Bowl or betting on, well, anything else, then I imagine anything else would win.

In fact, if the options were doing just about anything else other than betting on the Pro Bowl, I believe that would win, too.

I raised this pressing issue in one of the five weekly meetings we have as a content team on Thursday afternoon. As always, when I ask a harmless question in the hopes that one of the brilliantly talented editors and writers on staff will jump at the chance to impress their boss, I ended up with an assignment. But the boss is no dummy: I went into Slack and asked my colleagues for ideas. No surprise, this is where they really work to impress each other. I also posted the same question on Twitter.

These days this is called crowd-sourcing or user-generated content. Back in the day it was called lazy.

Either way, the responses were infinitely more entertaining than a faux-football game featuring all-stars who are so undeserving of playing they actually trended on Twitter when chosen (we’re looking at you, Xavier Rhodes).

Herewith, The 10 Things We Would Rather Bet On (or just do) Than Bet on the Pro Bowl:

10. “I’d rather take a week off of Twitter” — Darren Rovell, known tweeter

9. “I’d rather pay for VIP tickets to a concert of James Dolan’s band, JD & The Straight Shot” — Matt Mitchell, Action Network audio producer

8. “I’d rather bet on Thailand women’s college soccer” — Twitter user @sm62189

7. “I’d rather bet a Mitch Trubisky over” — Bryan Mears, Action Network editor

6. “I’d rather escape from Shawshank Prison through five-hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness I can’t even imagine” — Sean Zerillo, Action Network MLB analyst

5. “I’d rather do my taxes” — Katie Richcreek, Action Network editor

4. “I’d rather go to Hobby Lobby with my wife and spend three hours looking for the perfect doilies” — Twitter user @SmugHart

3. “I’d rather give the money to my ex-wife” — Collin Wilson, Action Network CFB analyst

2. “I’d rather read your article” — Twitter user @LolatErrything

1. “I’d rather go to a fall wedding” — Stuckey, Prime Minister of Degenerate Nation and Action Network analyst

Spoken like a true gambler, Stuckey.

Reminder, the Pro Bowl is this Sunday on ESPN at 3 p.m. The NFC is a 1-point favorite.

[In NJ, PA, IN or WV? Bet the Pro Bowl now at FanDuel]

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