Christi Walsh: Balancing Babies, Band-Aids and a Fantasy Football Dumpster Fire

Sep 28, 2018 2:00 AM EDT
  • Christi Walsh discusses the struggles of juggling the responsibilities of a full-time parent while also being a successful fantasy football player.
  • Thanks to Ryan Fitzpatrick, Walsh scored a much needed victory in Week 3 to keep in striking distance of her husband.
  • The Walshes have a handful of side action bets on fantasy football this season, including the spouse who scores the most points overall getting to choose the couple's next vacation without kids.

It’s hard being a stay-at-home mom AND a successful fantasy football player. Unlike the lucky-as-hell full-timers at The Action Network (I love you, PJ), who get to do this all day, every day, the rest of us have, you know, responsibilities.

Maintaining a house with two kids every single day is exhausting, and the next person who tells me to “sleep when the baby sleeps” will get an Eli Manning-style punch in the face.

It’s like they don’t even see the 3-year-old maniac standing (and likely crying) next to me contemplating how he can stick his flu shot Band-Aid into our 3-month-old baby’s mouth.

And yes, our toddler actually did feed his Band-Aid to our baby last week, prompting an emergency phone call to our pediatrician, known as “speed dial 1” in our household.

Just another day for me. I’m so sorry the Patriots tried to trade you Rob Gronkowski. Boo. Freaking. Who. I have real problems over here.

Sure, I’ll just take a quick nap and let the toddler burn the house down. Seems like a great idea. And since I am definitely NOT taking naps these days, I have plenty of time contemplate the disaster that is my fantasy football quarterback situation.

During a couple of alcohol-fueled moments of weakness, I thought it was a good idea to draft Andrew Luck in all of my leagues. I just can’t seem to learn my lesson with this guy.

Like I suggested in my fantasy football draft tips article, I got him late, and definitely made sure I was carrying at least three running backs on my bench before I even contemplated the idea.

But in the end, I did it. And I regret it wholeheartedly. Watching Jacoby Brissett fill in to throw a Hail Mary just about broke me. And now the only thing remotely related to Luck that makes me happy is Captain Andrew Luck on Twitter.

God I hope he actually writes those, it’s his only saving grace.

So with the complete downfall of my fantasy teams, I had to start looking for a quarterback to fill in for the downtrodden Luck. And wouldn’t you know it, Ryan Fitzpatrick was still available.

In the first two weeks, Fitzpatrick had over 70 fantasy points in standard scoring leagues. Luck had a meager 33 points.

And in a shocking turn of events, I immediately regretted that decision. In the first half of the Pittsburgh-Tampa Bay game, Fitzpatrick had three interceptions.

And in retrospect, I should have prepared myself for disappointment. I am a Redskins fan after all. I thought it was over, but then good ole FitzMagic returned with a TD hat-trick in the second half, finishing with 400 passing yards for the third straight game — an NFL record — and helping me to a much-needed victory.

And yes people, this matters! After sentencing my husband to a full week of 3 a.m. baby-bottle wake ups after Week 1, he’s rebounded with two straight weeks of outscoring my collection of fantasy football misfits.

I’m also playing from behind in our season-long side-action bet in which the spouse with the most overall points this season gets to pick our next family vacation without kids. Did you read that? WITHOUT KIDS!

I just don’t have any more NASCAR trips to Martinsville Speedway left in me …

But it’s not too late. The rest of my team is actually pretty solid and I’m totally drinking the FitzMagic Kool-Aid.

Let’s just hope Dirk Koetter feels the same way and keeps Jameis Winston planted firmly on the bench and away from eating my W’s.

Credit:

Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports Pictured: Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck

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