One of these days, I am going to learn my lesson, like when my husband tells me we don’t need any more foster cats and I bring home two, tiny, eight-week-old kitties that I'm currently watching swing from my curtains like Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball.
What about that time I started an entire stairway painting project with a fractured wrist (it’s been seven months, and my railing is still half-painted)?
Another time, I was riding my bike on my grandparents' farm and thought I saw a horse.
I was so excited that I booked it across the field only to realize it was a bear. He was not happy to see me.
Not long after the bear incident, I tried to catch a field mouse with my bare hands, and it bit me.
I spent an entire evening in the ER receiving a myriad of shots and antibiotics.
I will still try to pet wild animals. I do not care.
My point is, not one of those things has gone well, and I should be learning valuable lessons.
But that's a problem for future Christi. So, let’s make some NFL betting picks, discuss cocktails and learn absolutely zero lessons. #SoThankful
You knew where this was going …
NFL Thanksgiving Picks & Cocktail Pairings
*Odds as of Wednesday afternoon
Packers vs. Lions Pick
1 p.m. ET | FOX
First of all, this bet is not stupid. We do not say anything is stupid in relation to Dan Campbell.
According to the Action Network's Evan Abrams, the Lions are 8-5 against the spread (ATS) on Thanksgiving since 2012.
When you take a deeper look, they are 19-5-1 ATS in the game after failing to cover with Campbell at the helm.
Listen, Campbell is an icon. A unicorn. An Iconicorn, if you will.
I will regret nothing about this bet, which is why, at the end of the day, I will have learned nothing when the Packers ultimately win by seven.
I will fight injustice and continue to stand with the Iconicorn of our great nation. Lessons be damned.
Pick: Detroit Lions -2.5 (-115) — bet365
Cocktail Pairing: With a great appreciation for all things caffeine, I prefer to be jacked up on coffee earlier in the day rather than later.
So, a 1 p.m. ET game calls for a peppermint mocha-spiked latte.
- 6 oz. brewed hot coffee (we absolutely love Starbucks' peppermint mocha)
- 1 drop of chocolate bitters
- 2 oz. Rumchata Peppermint Bark
- ¼ cup milk, heated and frothed
- Combine brewed coffee, chocolate bitters, and peppermint bark Rumchata
- Gently pour frothed milk over the top and enjoy
I'm going to call this one the Iconicorn, for obvious reasons.
Chiefs vs. Cowboys Pick
4:30 p.m. ET | CBS
The only thing Dallas' defense can stop is holiday joy, and it is certainly the only team in the league that can make a backup running back look like 2012 Adrian Peterson.
And there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing a 147-year-old Jerry Jones looking dejected on Thanksgiving Day.
Now pass me the petty gravy, please.
Pick: Kareem Hunt (+175) Anytime Touchdown — BetMGM
Cocktail Pairing: But first, story time.
When I was in college, I took a road trip to visit a friend at East Carolina University, where I accidentally drank too much raspberry vodka, fell into a bush in front of a cop, and spent the following two days throwing up.
I can no longer tolerate raspberry flavoring, but I do love this:
- 2 oz. vodka
- 1 oz. fresh lemon juice
- ½ oz. simple syrup
- 4-5 muddled raspberries
- ½ oz. egg white
- Add all ingredients to a shaker (egg white last)
- Shake without ice for 15 seconds
- Add ice and shake for another 15 seconds
- Strain and pour into a cold cocktail glass
- Garnish with mint leaves and raspberries
I call this the CeeDee Lamb.
Bengals vs. Ravens Pick
8:20 p.m. ET | NBC
While the total has been consistently dropping, there’s still plenty of value.
This game is a match for Action PRO's Divisional Unders Betting System, which has a 59% win rate dating back to 2003.
Looks like we’ve got ourselves a bet.
Wanna make it a two-leg parlay? Throw in Lamar Jackson Under 1.5 passing touchdowns and make it a party.
We all know how much Jackson loves cold weather.
No really, his cold-weather stats are incredible, and the Bengals' defense is about as reliable as a Cowboys playoff run.
What are we doing here?
Still, take the under, just like my standards after a few of these cocktails.
Pick: Under 52.5 (-115) — ESPN BET
Cocktail Pairing: As this is the last game of the evening and the weather is going to be chilly, I’m going with a vanilla chamomile hot toddy.
- 1 vanilla and chamomile teabag
- 6 oz. boiling water
- 1 tbsp. honey
- 1 cinnamon stick
- 2 oz. lemon juice and a slice of lemon
- 2 oz. bourbon or whiskey of your choice
- Steep tea in hot water for 6-8 minutes, then remove
- Add in the honey, cinnamon stick, lemon juice, and whiskey
- Stir gently until combined
- Add a lemon slice for garnish
My absolute go-to these days on the whiskey front is the new Jameson Triple Triple. It has a slightly sweet end note that makes it perfect to drink on its own or in a cocktail.
And with these words of wisdom, I bid you adieu.
Go forth, prosper, and be your own Iconicorn.
And no matter what, never, ever, learn your lesson.
